Call Off the Search for Your Soul
by saysomethingimgivinguponyou
Summary: This AU Derek and Meredith. Meredith and Derek are both Juniors at Brown. Meredith is dating a married professor, Derek is dating Addison, but ever since he met Meredith he just can't seem to keep his mind off of her. Endgame: MERDER
1. You're So Dark

This is a darker fic that I've written. Meredith is a promiscuous Junior who has been sleeping with her married college professor for the past two years. Meanwhile Derek has been with Addison for the past year. They meet and Derek can't keep his mind on anyone but Meredith. End game MerDer

All rights to Shonda Rhimes.

These chapters are based off of Arctic Monkey Songs- you guys should listen, they really set the mood for the chapter.

This one is "You're So Dark"

Chapter 1- You're So Dark

It was his third day of his Junior year at Brown and Derek was ready to see his girlfriend. She was late to arrive back at school due to her family's late summer trip. He was invited to join them but his mother refused to allow him to miss his first week of class even if it was just syllabus week. This semester he and Addison had finally gotten around to taking the physical education requirement he needed for graduation and he was dreading it. Addison had insisted they do yoga and he was all for the extra time with his girlfriend even though Mark mocked him endlessly. Ofcourse the first day of class she wasn't here so he was forced onto the shame alone. Luckily they had already bought mats ahead of time and watched a few videos on the basics, so he wasn't totally clueless, but he still felt uncomfortable.

He dressed in a pair of shorts and tank top to show off the muscles he had been working on the past two years with Mark at the gym. He also got there early to pick a spot in the back. He was happy to see there were still a few spots open towards the back even though clearly a couple of people had the same idea as him. He got settled and watched as people scooted in. Some came prepared with water bottles and gym bags and some looked just as out of place as he.

Finally it hit 9:30 and their professor still hadn't shown up. Everyone was getting ready to leave when a girl entered the room with long blonde hair halfway down her back, a sports bra and a pair of shorts.

"Sorry I'm late" she said

"So professor Hamlock will be in next week, he couldn't make it today, but I'm his student teacher so….. I can start by telling you a bit about myself?"

"So, my name is Meredith. I am a Junior. I've been practicing yoga since I was seven. Professor Hamlock is actually a mentor of mine, I've been taking classes from him for the past two years."

Derek was mesmerized. She was beautiful.

A bunch of students raised their hands and she seemed to answer all of their questions and was going down the roll. There only seemed to be about 10 students in the class.

When she got to his name, he felt the breath leave his body with the way she said it, like she was meant to say it, like he never wanted anyone else to say it again.

"So no Addison, last chance for an Addison?" Meredith called out

"She um she's…. she'll be here next week" Derek stumbled

Meredith looked at him with a smirk "Okay then" she muttered "let's get started."

Derek spent the next hour intensely watching her do every move with passion and what he could assume was accuracy. She was so flexible. With her on all fours his mind started to wonder off of yoga and onto his bedroom. Meredith was sweating and he couldn't help but think about what Meredith would be like naked on his bed. She was practically naked as it. He wanted to be causing her to sweat like that. He groaned at the thought of his dick inside of her pounding away. At one point during a warrior pose Meredith's shorts drew up and her left cheek was exposed for a moment. He wanted to fuck her on her yoga mat. He quickly tried to focus his brain on anything but fucking Meredith, the student teacher that he just met, doing the class that his girlfriend chose. He instantly felt bad. Addison. He should only be thinking about Addison like that, he chalked it up to the fact that it had been awhile since him and Addie had sex and he was just horny. When the class ended Meredith instructed them to all clean off their mats.

"Derek?" Meredith said when all the students were in the process of packing up. He jogged over to her.

Meredith got close to his ear and he felt his dick pulsing again "If you can't keep yourself from getting an erection in my class you should probably drop it." She whispered and his blood boiled. She smirked at him again "Oh and also, tell your friend if she misses another class, don't bother showing up. Dean doesn't accept absents. Class is only once a week."

"Dean?" Derek asked

"Professor Hamlock" she clarified

"Right, sorry. It won't happen again" Derek told her with a grin. He couldn't tell if he just flirted with her but she smirked for the umpteenth time that day and he wanted her against the wall.

When everyone had left the classroom, Dean Hamlock came out from behind the small office located in the gym classroom.

"Excellent job today" he told Meredith as he was quickly by her side.

With one hand wrapped around her ass and the other across her neck he kissed her and she kissed him back. The kiss got more heated and Meredith put her arm up to his chest "Later" she purred.

Out of the corner of her eye Meredith saw Derek hovering. She grimaced. Somehow Meredith excused herself from the Professor and followed Derek out of classroom.

"What did you just see?" She asked him

"You screwing my professor" Derek responded angrily.

"Fuck" Meredith screamed out

"Do not say anything." She warned him

"I think I have a right to." Derek responded with his arms crossed

"You don't have the right to do anything. I could easily get you kicked out of my class with what I saw today."

"And I could easily get you expelled and make sure that creep loses his job." Derek reasoned

"You're not going to do that." Meredith said smugly with a smirk

"Why's that?" Derek asked

"Because you like me" Meredith said simply

"I don't like you. I have a girlfriend" he exclaimed

"And there it is. I'll make sure your girlfriend Addison right? The girl that didn't show up today? I will find her and tell her about what happened today with your penis, if you say anything to anyone."

"You're dark." Derek responded coldly. He wanted her bad.

"See you next week." Meredith told him slyly and walked away.


	2. I want it all

All rights to Shonda.

I so appreciate you guys reviews and to answer the ones about my other fanfics, I am actually going to start a few of those back up. This one is a little darker and dirtier than I usually write, but I'm having fun with it.

Song "I want it all" by the arctic monkeys. I really suggest listening to it beforehand or after.

Derek was brooding. He slammed his beer on the counter and cut his hand opening it. He slammed his fridge shut and plopped down angrily on his couch letting the blood on his hand be soothed by the coolness of the can.

Mark looked at him perplexed

"What the hell do you want?" Derek asked.

Mark threw his hands up in surrender "What the hell did I do now?" Mark asked grabbing his own beer.

"Nothing. When the fuck is Addison getting back?"

Mark plopped down on the seat next to Derek "She's your girlfriend."

Derek ran his hand through his hair

"Are you two fighting again?" Mark asked taking a swig

"No" Derek muttered

"Then what's up with you?" Mark asked

"I'm going stir crazy, I need to get out of this apartment."

Wanna go out tonight?" Mark asked grinning like a chesire cat. It had been months since him and Derek went out together.

"Yeah" Derek responded.

"Good" Mark replied cracking his neck "You and I both need to get laid."

Derek grimaced and Mark laughed heartedly.

Meredith got out of the shower and brushed her hair out.

"Oh good your home" Christina said hovering in the door of her bathroom

Meredith smiled at her friend

"So, where do you want to go tonight?" Christina asked

"Somewhere that has tequila" Meredith responded

"Mer, every bar has tequila."

"Just pick somewhere Christina, you know I don't care."

"Is he coming tonight?" Christina asked

"Wife's in-town" Meredith responded with a shrug

"But, it's your birthday" Christina remarked

"But, he's married, plus I don't really want him to come"

"That's a lie" Christina scoffed

"No really, I don't want to have to go off campus and do the whole thing where we're both paranoid and tense, I just want to drink tequila and fuck a cute boy."

"You have a boyfriend." Christina said with a smirk

"A married boyfriend isn't really a boyfriend, it's open and casual" Meredith told her

"Jesus Mer, it's been two years"

"What can I say, he's really good in bed"

They both laughed.

Meredith had been out with her friends for hours. She was drunk but not yet completely gone.

Owen had his arm around Christina and Alex was guiding Meredith into the bar. Her little sister Lexi made it out for the occasion even though she wasn't of age and Izzie, George and Callie were waiting inside.

"What is this place" Meredith slurred

"Funkies, Iz picked it" Christina remarked

"I love Iz" Meredith said with a smile.

"You are fucked up way too early Mer" Alex told her

"I'm 21 now! Only way to do it" Meredith said with a snort

"Damn straight" Christina agreed slurring. Once inside Alex ordered Meredith some food to sober her up a bit.

"A round of tequila pleaseeeeee" Meredith said to the bartender

A minute later he had her round and she knocked it back fast. She leaned close to Christina "Have I ever told you that you're my best friend" Meredith slurred

"Yeah, yeah" Christina waved off

"I'm going to hug you" Meredith told her

"Fine, but only because it's your birthday" Christina said

Meredith hugged her friend and Christina's eyes darted to a cute guy sitting at the bar.

"That guy is staring at you" Christina told her

Meredith smiled "Dare me to go talk to him" Meredith slurred

"Yeah, I dare you"

Meredith slinked up to the bar her black strapless dress clinging to her body

"Hi" she said as she sat beside the stranger

"Hello" he said smugly back

"Today is my birthday" she told him pointedly

"Hmmm, I should buy you a drink then" the stranger responded and threw up his hand for the bartender

"Single Malt Scotch" he told the bartender and looked at Meredith

"Shot of tequila" she answered

"Shot of tequila, someone doesn't like themselves" he replied his blue eyes dancing

Meredith giggled "Maybe I don't"

The stranger held up his drink that the bartender just sat down "Here's to that" he responded. The stranger saw his friend walking back from the bathroom and went to introduce the two

"Oh, this is my friend, Derek this is….I'm sorry what's your name?"

Meredith turned her head "It's you" she squeaked out

Derek was drunk "Oh look who it is, hi Meredith, the nursing home visiting hours over?" he chuckled

"Ha-ha, fuck you" Meredith slurred

"Let me buy you a drink" Derek purred in her ear

"Surprise me" she whispered back. Derek smiled "I'll be right back"

"How do you know Derek?" the stranger asked

Meredith smirked "How do YOU know Derek?"

"He's my roommate, and my best friend, and I haven't seen him buy a girl a drink ever." Mark said sitting back in amazement of the situation.

Meredith just shrugged

"He's one of my students" she responded

"You're a professor?" Mark asked

"A student teacher" She clarified

"Ah" Mark replied just when Derek got back with a drink for Meredith.

"So? What is it?" She asked

"A cosmo" Derek clarified. Mark threw his head back laughing.

Meredith frowned and set her drink on the counter.

She grabbed his scotch and took a sip

"Thanks for the drink Derek." She told him and disappeared with his drink back to the table with her friends.

Mark eyed Derek and saw the look of disappointment on his face when she left.

"You want to fuck her" Mark stated.

"No, I don't" Derek said waving the bartender over for another drink.

"You do. You so do."

Mark was total amazement. The Derek he knew never had eyes for anyone but Addison. The Derek he knew would never buy a drink for a girl that wasn't his girlfriend.

Derek's eyes looked stormy and he watched as Derek eyed Meredith up and down from the bar.

"If you don't do you mind if I go pick up where we left off."

"Don't" Derek replied immediately

Mark raised both of his eyebrows in questioning

"She's fucking our professor, it's gross" Derek responded

"No, it's hot." Mark said

It deferred Mark enough though to leave her alone. Derek watched her the rest of her time at the bar. She danced with her friends, took shot after shot. For every shot she took, he took one too. He was plastered and so was she. By 1 AM Meredith was at the bar ordering another shot and Derek made his way over to her.

"Are you trying to fuck with me?" He slurred

She smirked "Maybe." She stated

He ran his hand violently threw his hair

"What are you doing tonight, when all this is over?" he asked

"You mean when I take all my clothes off and get into bed?" she asked coming closer to him. He felt an erection forming and he gulped.

"Yes" he breathed out.

"What are you asking?" she said as her hand made contact with his erected penis. He swallowed.

"Wow, you're big aren't you?" she purred.

"Bigger than Hamlock?" Derek asked bitterly. He didn't know what was coming over him.

Meredith smiled "You can't get past that can you?" she asked.

"I can" Derek stated

"Show me" Meredith whispered into his ear as once again she took his penis into her hand. He felt it throb.

All at once Derek's mouth was on Meredith and if there weren't people all around the bar he would have taken her clothes off right then and there. Mark set back and watched. This wasn't Derek at all.

"You want to get out of here?" Derek asked.

"Yes" Meredith breathed and they stumbled out of the bar and called a taxi.

Once inside the taxi Derek couldn't keep Meredith off of him and he couldn't keep himself off of her. He had her dress down and was sucking on her nipples when he realized the taxi stopped at his apartment. He payed the driver and helped Meredith into his apartment.

Once inside he tore her dress off of her until she was standing in her bra and panties. She quickly undressed him and two were back to attacking eachother's faces. Derek bit all over her lips and sucked her neck so hard that he was sure to leave hickies.

He was quick to remove her bra and quickly took her breast into his mouth "Are you trying to leave bruises" Meredith moaned

"Yes" he told her with finality and it turned her on even more. He was sucking her hard and she was moaning in complete pleasure

"You have perfect tits" he told her inbetween switching between the two breasts.

Meredith moaned and moved her hand down to his hard and erect dick. She slowly kissed down Derek until her mouth was right at his center. She took the entire thing into her mouth and started sucking.

Derek groaned in pleasure. He really was huge.

"Oh baby" Derek groaned out. He pulled her onto the bed and went between her legs

"Do you call him daddy?" Derek asked naughtily when he came up for a bit of air.

"Sometimes" Meredith replied as she shoved his head back inbetween her legs. He went back at it before stopping when he thought she was close. He smirked at her.

"Do you want me to call you daddy?" Meredith asked

"You can call me anything you want" he responded and went back to attacking her breasts with his mouth and sticking his penis inside of her.

She moaned at the intrusion.

His mouth and tongue went between her breasts and her mouth and he couldn't decide which one he enjoyed more.

"Wait, do you have a condom" Meredith asked

"No" he responded

"Do you want me to stop?" he asked

"No" Meredith said and got on top of him. Her breasts giggled in his face as she rode him and he was quick to kiss her over and over as he felt the cum shooting out of him and into her. Once they both finished Meredith rolled off of him.

"I better go" she stated.

"You could stay?" Derek asked as he managed to get his breath back.

"It's better that I leave." She responded

Derek nodded. She gathered her clothes and quickly got dressed. Derek pulled on his boxers and a t-shirt.

"Let me atleast drive you home?"

"Okay" she agreed.

It turned out they lived very close to eachother and as Derek walked her to her door he asked her "Did this really happen?"

"No" she responded and opened the door to her apartment leaving Derek alone outside.


	3. Mad Sounds

Song- Mad Sounds by the Arctic Monkeys

Three days had passed since Derek slept with the student teacher in the yoga class he was supposed to be taking with his girlfriend. He felt guilty and miserable.

"How many times are you going to wash those sheets?" Mark asked as he watched Derek for what seemed like the hundredth time in the past few days load the same sheets into their washing machine.

Derek ignored him and proceeded to put another wash on.

"Derek" Mark shouted

Derek turned and looked at his friend, a look of despair on his face

"Addison doesn't have to find out" Mark told him

"She's going to find out because I'm telling her when she gets in tonight."

"Don't do that" Mark advised him

"Mark, I cheated on her. I had sex with someone who wasn't my girlfriend who I had just met. I have to tell her. I have to get tested. I don't have time to argue with you."

"Just talk to Meredith find out if she's clean."

"I don't want to talk to Meredith, I don't even want to look at Meredith." Derek told him bringing his hand over his face.

"I really fucked this up."

"Maybe it's for the best" Mark told him.

Derek's eyes blazed

"No really, maybe it's for the best. You and Addie have been together for two years, things get stale eventually and I live with you, I know your sex life is almost non-existent."

Derek left the room slamming the door behind him.

Once in his bedroom Derek layed on the bed he last spent with Meredith, not his girlfriend. His mind drifted to their night together. He felt his lower half responding just at the thought. It had been so good. So unlike his past sexual experiences. Meredith knew what she was doing, he assumed it was because of the fact that she was with an older, much older man. If he was being honest, he wanted to experience her again and again. He had never been so sexually attracted to another individual. He loved her body. It was so toned so sculpted. He loved the feeling of her breasts in his hands and he felt a jealous twinge at the thought of Meredith doing those same things with Professor Hamlock that she did with him. He replayed being in the taxi with Meredith of his lap, his face in her chest, his mouth sucking her boobs while she moaned in pleasure. He imagined Meredith sitting on Professor Hamlock's lap, him licking and sucking all over her breasts while she moaned and played with his gray hair. He felt sick. He felt possessive, he felt like he wanted her all to himself. He wanted her on him only. He wanted her body consistently on his. He wanted his hands all over her exploring, he wanted his mouth all over her plump lips. The mere thought of Meredith seeing Professor Hamlock the day after they had been together infuriated him. The only part that excited him was Hamlock seeing the bruises on her neck and her breasts that he left there. He wanted Hamlock to know that Meredith had been with him.

He quickly pushed the thoughts out of his head. He had no idea what was going on with him. It wasn't like him to cheat on his girlfriend much less fantasize about other girls. He wasn't like Mark. He was a good guy, the kind of guy his mom would be proud of, the kind of guy that makes a promise to a girl and means it. Addison was coming home and he had to tell her the truth.

He heard a knock on the door and Mark came into the room.

"Hear me out okay?" Mark asked taking a seat in the chair located in Derek's room

"Okay"

"You and Addison have been together two years, if you want to be with her, just drop the class and don't tell her. You will never see that girl again and you can go back to how things are with Addison. You two spent almost the entire summer a part, you miss her and Meredith was just a one time thing. She was an accident that was the result of you missing your girlfriend."

Derek was silent.

"Drop the class man. You won't see the girl again and Addison doesn't have to know. If you tell her, she will leave you."

Derek nodded "I don't know what happened, in a week I have turned into a completely different person. I would have never done this to Addison."

Mark was silent.

"What happened Mark?" Derek asked

"Lust." Mark said "And alcohol."

Derek nodded.

"So?"

"So I guess I'll drop the class and pretend it never happened." Derek replied

"Good" Mark said and stood up to leave.

Derek checked his watch, Addison should be back anytime.

An hour later Addison was home. He thought he would be more excited to see her but blamed it on the guilt he felt. His mind was elsewhere, it was on the blonde he met in class, the blonde who was both enchanting and bewitching, the blonde who he desperately wanted to see again.

"Derek, are you listening?" Addison asked

"Yeah, sorry" Derek responded as he came back into reality.

"I got you a little something" Addison told him

"Oh yeah?" he asked

She lifted her top off and then started pulling her pants off until she was dressed in tiny red lingerie.

"What do you think?" she asked

"Wow, um, thanks" he said as she sat on his lap and kissed his mouth with hers.

"Touch me" she purred against his lips. He grabbed her breast into his hand and his mouth immediately went to the other one sucking hard as he pulled off her bra. He couldn't help but think Meredith's breasts were bigger. She moaned and he compared it to Meredith's sexy moan. He entered her and compared everything to the way it felt with Meredith.

"Can we do this without a condom?" he asked

"Why would we? You always wear a condom?" Addison asked confused

"I just thought…nevermind, I'll go get one" Derek said pushing Addison off of him.

When he got back he saw Addison sitting and waiting for him and he immediately wished she was Meredith.

"Lets do this" he mumbled.

"If you don't want to, we don't have to Derek, I just figured you would like your surprise."

"I did like it Addie, I'm just not feeling well."

"Oh."

"Are you okay? What are your symptoms?" she asked

"I'm fine just a stomach ache" he told her

"Well if it's just a stomach ache then put the condom on and come back inside" she purred.

His mind flashed to having sex with Meredith and he instantly got hard. He kept his mind on Meredith the whole time and was able to finish. When they were done Addison snuggled close to him

"That might have just been the best sex we ever had." she whispered.

He felt warm.

Meredith was lying in bed with Dean, for the first time she noticed the deep wrinkles around his eyes. She moved her fingers up to touch them and he smiled. His fingers were lingering on her ass and he went between stroking that to her breasts.

"I know we never said we were exclusive baby, but it's a bit of an insult to bring another man's bruises home to me" he said with a smile.

She smirked "Are you jealous?" she asked.

"A little" he admitted.

"I want to be the only one sucking here" he said as he moved a large part of her breast into his mouth and "and here" he said as he moved his mouth to the other side.

She groaned.

He stopped what he was doing and kissed her and she quickly kissed back. In an instant she was on top of him feeling his erection when suddenly they heard the door to his house opening.

"Shit" Meredith mumbled

"It's fine, it's just Lauren. Let me go take care of it" he told her and got up to put his pants on.

"It's just your wife" Meredith blurted

"Baby, calm down" he told her and kissed her forehead before making his way out of the bedroom.

She heard some screaming in the halls and quickly got dressed. She made the bed back as quick as possible and climbed out the window that was already open.

When Lauren made it to the bedroom, all traces of Meredith were gone

"See, I told you nothing is going on" Dean stated.

Lauren looked bewildered.

Outside Meredith called Christina

"Hey, I need you to come pick me up" Meredith told Christina urgently

"I can't, I have class. You need to call someone else."

"I hate you" Meredith responded

"Byeeeee" Christina said before hanging up the phone.

Eventually Meredith got Lexi to come pick her up.

"So I'm not going to ask questions"Lexi stated while she drove Meredith back to her apartment

"Except I am. Meredith what were you doing out here?" Lexi asked

"Don't worry about it Lexi." Meredith stated

Lexi sighed and kept her hands on the wheel

"You know, this was a thirty minute drive."

"Want me to give you gas money?" Meredith asked

"That's not what I'm saying. I'm your sister Mer"

"My half sister" Meredith responded.

"You don't have to like me, a lot of the time I don't like you, but I am your sister and I want to be your friend. I didn't have to drive thirty minutes to come pick you up. I skipped class because you were in trouble and I wanted to help you out, so you can sit here and act like you have a chip on your shoulder and I can disappear and not talk to you but I'm here and I'm trying." Lexi stated exasperated.

Meredith was silent for the rest of the drive.

Lexi pulled up at her apartment.

Meredith hesitated to get out

"Well, aren't you going to leave?" Lexi asked.

Meredith sighed "I'm dating a married man. Don't tell anyone." Meredith told her

"I won't I promise" Lexi told her with wide eyes

"Okay, see you later?" Meredith asked

"Uh yeah, bye Meredith" Lexi stated.

"Progress" Lexi muttered when Meredith was back in her apartment.

Once inside her apartment Meredith broke down into sobs. This wasn't who she wanted to be anymore. She felt badly about what happened with Derek. He had a girlfriend. She was doing this to yet another innocent woman. Sleeping with their significant other just because she wanted to be with someone who wasn't emotionally available. If she was honest she liked Derek, he was cute and charming and young, and he called her on her shit and he gave her a really good time, she just wasn't sure she wanted to be a good time girl anymore.

A few days later when she realized he dropped her class, she was disappointed but also not surprised.

At the end of the class Dean embraced her "You seemed bummed out today" he stated

"I'm fine" she told him.

"I have something that will cheer you up" he told her as his hands moved up and down her back

She looked up at him expectantly "A hotel room for the two of us tonight" he replied

She faked a smile. This was the first time in two years that she didn't want him.


	4. One for the Road

Hey guys so sorry for the delay with this chapter. I had two different routes I was thinking about going with this story and decided on this one.

As always I appreciate the reviews and also all rights to Shonda Rhimes.

Hope you guys enjoy this plot twist of a chapter.

Song : One for the Road by Arctic Monkeys

The next several weeks proved to be hard for Derek. He felt so much guilt at the fact that he cheated on Addison with a girl he barely knew. He felt even more guilty that since his night with Meredith, he spent all his time fantasizing about her. He wasn't proud to say that he walked past the class she taught every week just to catch a glimpse of her. He wanted her badly. He thought of her as a goddess, as a dream. All he wanted at all times was to be inside of her, to feel her and to have her to himself. He was trying to forget it ever happened, he was trying to focus on his relationship with Addison, he was trying to keep himself focused. Ever since that night with Meredith he didn't feel like himself, he was changing into a different person and he couldn't say that it was for the better. It had been a month since his encounter with her, a month since he changed, and he knew Addison was grasping at an answer for his distant behavior and he knew she deserved more.

Derek was hanging out at his apartment on a rainy Friday night, Addison was out with some friends and he assumed Mark was at the bar drinking. His mind lingered to Meredith but he quickly shut the thoughts down. He was becoming miserable. When he heard a knock on his door the last person he thought he was going to see was standing infront of him.

Meredith was there with her long blonde hair soaking wet. She was dressed in a summer dress that clung to her body. She was perfect.

Derek gulped.

"I need to come in" she told him

He didn't say anything, he just opened the door more to let her inside.

Derek's eyes ran over her body quickly and his thoughts went to getting her naked.

"Let's go to my bedroom, my roommate might be in soon" Derek told her

Meredith followed him into the bedroom and she could feel the sexual tension electrify.

Derek made his way closer to her and before she knew it she was kissing him and he kissed back firmly.

His hands were quickly on her ass, squeezing. She was in blind mode, nothing was making sense, she wanted him. His erection was quick and her body was responding. He had her naked in a matter of seconds

"Is this what you came here for?" he whispered seductively as he bit her ear.

Meredith groaned.

"Hmmm?" he asked

"No" Meredith stated as his mouth made its way down her neck to her breasts.

"Stop" she choked. Derek backed away, his eyes full of lust.

"I came here to talk to you, not all of this" she told him and she quickly got dressed again.

"Okay" he responded as he got dressed himself

"This is hard, what I have to tell you is hard" she told him.

He offered her his hand and she took it.

"God we're just strangers" she said, her voice filled with panic

"We don't have to be just strangers Meredith" he heard himself say

"I can be your friend" he told her.

Her eyes were hopeful.

"I know that you don't know me, and I know that I don't know you, I know all that." Meredith stated

"And you have a say in this too, I wanted to ask your opinion, get your input, involve you" she rambled

He laughed a little

"What?" she asked

"You're rambling" he told her

She suddenly felt self conscious.

"Meredith whatever it is, you can tell me." He assured her.

"I'm pregnant" she whispered.

He visibly paled.

"The baby is yours, I know because Dean got a vasectomy way before he met me, and you and I didn't use a condom that night and it's yours. This baby is yours, and I wanted to talk to you, to see what you want to do because I don't know if I want to keep it, I don't know if I want to put it up for adoption, I just don't know and you're in this with me, you have to be in this with me, this is your baby" Meredith said as she placed her hand on her still flat stomach.

Derek was silent for what felt like hours

"Please say something" she pleaded

'Leave" Derek muttered

"What?" Meredith asked

"I need to think…I need you to leave." He told her firmly

Tears formed in her eyes. She quickly exited his room and his house and ran home.

A few days later she texted Dean to meet her early in the studio before class. When he arrived he handed her a coffee

"Thanks" she muttered

"So? Are you ending this?" Dean asked

Meredith looked at him with a million questions in her eyes

"I've noticed the distance lately and I'm too old to play games."

Meredith stared at him blankly.

"Honey, do you know how old I am?"

"No" Meredith answered honestly

"I'm 52. We've been doing this for two years, I'm not leaving my wife and you know that. Doesn't mean that I don't care about you, hell it doesn't even mean that I don't love you, I know when something isn't right."

"I'm pregnant." Meredith told him

Dean sighed "How far along?" he asked

"About a month"

"Did you tell the father?" he asked

"I did."

"And"

"And he told me to leave. He was just a one night stand and he has a girlfriend."

Dean pulled her into a hug

"So what do you want, do you want to end things with me to be with that guy?"

"I don't want to be with him, I don't even know him" Meredith stated.

"Okay, so what's the problem?" he asked

"I'm pregnant." She told him

"There are options, and none of them involve losing me" he told her.

Meredith nodded.

"Class is starting honey, pull yourself together." Dean stated and kissed her head.

Meredith sighed and placed her hand on her stomach. Dean wanted to stay with her and she wasn't sure why that didn't make her happy.

The next few days Meredith thought long and hard about her baby and what it would mean for her life. She didn't want an abortion but she wasn't sure she wanted to keep him or her either. She could go the adoption route. Really she just didn't want to feel so alone in all of this. Dean couldn't help her and her friends couldn't help her and really the only other one that could help her didn't want her anywhere near him.

There was so much she wanted to accomplish. Maybe medschool. Maybe open a yoga studio. She knew her mother would kill over at the idea of Meredith becoming anything but a doctor and she only just recently started having a relationship with Thatcher and her half sibling Lexi. She didn't want to be judged for her uncarefulness and lack of good judgement so soon into getting to know them. Her options were limited however and at some point people were going to realize that she's pregnant. She curled up in her bed wearing only a light tank top that barely covered her midriff and a pair of underwear. She placed her hand on her stomach imaging it much bigger before she drifted off to sleep.

She awoke to knocking on her door. She figured Christina must have left her key at home and peered at the clock. It was only 8:00. This whole pregnant thing was already exhausting. She made her way out of bed and opened the door to see Derek.

"I thought you were my roommate" Meredith remarked looking down at her barely dressed body.

Derek followed her eyes and had to stop the tightness in his pants from forming. She had this effect on him like no other.

"Can I come in?" he asked.

"Sure" Meredith remarked an ice entering her tone.

She said nothing but made her way back to her bedroom. She covered up with her blanket.

Derek followed her and couldn't help but watch her ass in her tiny panties as she walked. He made a mental note to not look at her body when he talked to her.

Derek stood hovering by the doorway as Meredith wrapped up in her blanket in bed.

"Can you come in and close the door. No one knows" Meredith muttered.

Derek did as followed and looked around her room. She had multiple yoga mats. There was a few Buddha's placed around. She had a chakra poster and lavender bed sheets and comforter. The book Lolita was on the floor near her bed. There were also pictures of people on her walls, some he recognized as the people who were at the bar with her that night. There was also a half drank ginger-ale at the end of her bed.

He picked it up.

"Have you been feeling alright?" he asked her motioning to the ginger-ale.

"I've been exhausted" she admitted

"I read that about the first month of pregnancy. That there's a lot of fatigue. Amongst other things." He finished lamely.

"It's weird to think that there is a baby inside of me." Meredith admitted.

Derek nodded and took a seat on the bed beside her.

"I'm really sorry about the other day-" Derek started

"You were in shock" Meredith said cutting him off

"I was" Derek admitted

"But still, I could have been better about all of this. I've been thinking about it and I'm here for you, whatever you want to do, we'll do it." Derek told her.

Meredith's eyes filled with tears.

"It's the hormones" she told him

He smiled slightly.

"I'm here for those too."

"I think I want to keep the baby" Meredith told him.

For a second it looked like his heart skipped a beat or he lost his breath.

"Okay" is all he said though and he looked sincere.

"Okay." Meredith repeated.

"Can I uh talk to the baby?" Derek asked looking a bit embarrassed.

"Oh…uh sure." Meredith stated and moved the blanket so Derek had easy access to her still flat but slightly bloated stomach.

Derek scooted closer to her in the bed and surprised her when he lifted her tank top up until it was just under her breasts and placed his warm hand on her belly Meredith melted a bit at the contact. Derek smiled at her with his hand placed on her stomach and she responded by placing her hand on top of his so that they were both feeling their baby.

Derek scooted his face so that his mouth was right by her stomach. He was whispering so Meredith couldn't quite make out what he was saying but she knew it was sweet.

When Derek was done he pulled her shirt back down.

"I should get going." He told her.

She nodded and he brought his mouth to her lips for a gentle kiss and smiled at her.

He paused by her doorway

"Meredith"

He looked at her like he wanted to say something big. Instead he just broke out into a smile

"I'll see you soon." He said instead and then he was gone.

Meredith smiled for what felt like the first time in awhile.


End file.
